Ramblings – Getting the help I need + Stress Leave Pt.2

I’ve been going to my social worker (who’s also a therapist I do believe!), and we’ve managed to hit the point where I’ve been relieved upon going there. I finally told him about why I’ve been on work-leave, something I was too scared in telling him due to reasons. And…He understood why I needed to take the time off, and he told me they weren’t fire me for taking time off due to my health – since it is my health. Continue reading

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Ramblings – Thoughts during Stress Leave

I’ve been on stress leave for a while now – about two to three weeks – and honestly, I have no idea what it’s doing for me. On one hand if I think about going back to work and the stresses there (stresses I’m not going to get into while I’m still employed there). I get physically sick and anxious and want to do anything but work. On the other hand if I think of just staying at home I feel completely useless and worthless, and wondering why I’m always anxious if nothing goes wrong in my room. It’s a consent fight between deciding if being anxious and physically ill at work, or feeling worthless and consenting doubting my existence at home. Continue reading

Ramblings: Central Canada Comic Con!

This weekend (Oct.27th to Oct.29th ) is Central Canada Comic Con, or more commonly known as C4. And like every year, I’m volunteering from 7AM to 3PM. So, if you’re coming into the convention, say hi!! We could hang out after 3PM and what not.

The guests I’m interested in seeing this year is Sammy Castillo (of course!! I’ve missed Sammy!!), and Mike Toth (Animator who worked in Disney movies!). I also want to see Allison Mack (she played in Smallville, one of my many television crushes!) and Steve Blum (who voiced Guilmon in Digimon Tamers!!). So many things to see, and not enough energy!

C4 is always amazing, and I’m always so nervous/excited about it. I’m gonna make another blog entry with pictures, ramblings, and perhaps some video.

(Maybe I’ll draw something during the convention too, who knows, who knows…)

Ramblings: Stress and Me

It’s been a while since I’ve updated all of you about…Anything.

First of all, Central Canada Comic Con is happening soon – from October 27th to October 29th! I’ll be volunteering the whole weekend, the 7 AM to 3 PM shift. Which is sort of funny, in a sense, given what I’m going to say next. Continue reading

Tommy Castillo – a Mentor, and amazing artist.

Tommy Castillo was a comic artist who I admired for years, but someone I was completely scared of. Since my dad said the huge booth at C4 belonged to an amazing artist I should see, I wanted to talk to him and ask him for advice. But, for the longest of time, I was so scared. He seemed to be such an intimidating guy, loud and so sure of himself and his work. He was everything I wanted to be, honestly – sure of myself, my work, not caring what others thought of me, just wanting to be the best me.

One year, when I was still in high school, my two friends tried to talk me into talking to Tommy. Well, they weren’t really. They wanted to see me be tore apart by my favourite artist, to see how I would react. I was so close to talking to him, we were at his giant, amazing booth with all of his prints, with other artist talking to him and asking for advice…

…And here is Tommy – he started talking about digital art, of how it’s making some younger artist forget or not learn the fundamentals, of how it make a lot of artwork feel cheap…And I chickened out. I turned on my heel, and left my friends behind – claiming I needed to do more work before I could ever show The Tommy Castillo my poorly drawn, anime work.

It took me years to even talk to him, and even longer to him my work. Tommy Castillo was a person who I’d never dream would accept me as an artist.

It was around the time he began doing a lot of Twitch.tv streams. I was so excited – they were the highlight of my day, everyday they happened. I would watch him do art, talk to him and his wonderful wife Sammy – both who became people I admire oh so much – and we started talking.

When I started my job, and while at my job, I spent 300 USD on a Godzilla painting Tommy did in stream. My mother wasn’t impressed with my impulse, you’re-supposed-to-be-working purchase, but I honestly didn’t care. He painted Godzilla, by my suggestion, and I wanted to have it in my life.

It was also thanks to those streams, that my study under him began. I started off “sneakfully” asking him questions (they weren’t so sneaky), asking him and Sammy various of questions involving art, life…Anything I’d think he’d answer. I remember one conversation, where I was asking on if my drafting table should be spotless or showing the previous work I’ve done…

Tommy agreed on my stance, that the table should be covered in ink, spills, and tender caring love I had for my work.

It took me a while to even half-ask if he could ever consider teaching me, and it was because of my need of writing him and Sammy a sappy email, thanking them both for streaming and creating art and streaming for us all.

My first assignment was to draw a skull fifty times, on printer paper with a normal, yellow, HB pencil. I did this assignment more than once so far, and I’m still uncertain if I’m doing it right! Knowing me, I’ll do fifty more until I’m happy with how I do skulls…

There’s so many things that he did, in stream and in life, that I can’t write down in this blog without rambling and crying and wishing to God, or whoever there is there in life, didn’t take this amazing human from us all…

My thoughts, prays, and positive feelings are with Sammy Castillo – a woman who became one of my role-models almost as instantly as Tommy. I wish her all the world.

Also, Sammy, please smile – if not now, then in the future. Don’t lose hope, and don’t forget that we’re all here for you. The Buote family is here for you, even if we’re all the way in Canada. You’re family, at least to me, and you’re one of the strongest woman who I’ve ever had the pleasure in meeting.

Dear Cre8ive Supplies,

Thank you for you the years of service and help that you’ve done for me, creatively and socially. As a store, you guys managed to most (if not all) of my pay happily, and you guys always seemed to know which tips and tricks I needed to do for my work or projects at the time.

I think it was late 2010 when I discovered you guys thanks to our friends at Central Canada Comic Con, and I adored you guys ever since. Val was the one I met at first, then Shawn, then Cindy. With all three of you, I’ve started to relaxed and grow more confident in myself and as an artist.

You guys, all three of you, managed to get me out of my gosh-dang’d shell, and allow myself to improve and show my work around with to people. If it wasn’t to Cre8ive Supplies, I think I would have stagnated by now.

It was a sad, sad day today when we visited down town. There was a lot of people there, but many of them were here for the reason I was; to wish you all good luck, to get the last few things we needed, and take another good look around and remember.

Cotton Canada will forever be ran by Cre8ive Supplies’ hard work for a long…Long time.

Thank you, Cre8ive Supplies.

Love, Marly Buote ❤